Worthless, Worthless Frenchman

I was awakened last night at I don't know what hour by a drunk Frenchman coming into our hostel dorm room. He had been out all night "partying." When he laid down in the bed next to mine I could smell the alcohol on his breath and so I got up and changed positions so that my head was at the other end of the bed. That's how thick the air was with alcohol. Then he pulls out a thing of crackers and starts eating them slowly and loudly, one cracker at a time. Crunch (chew, chew, chew) crunch! (chew, chew, chew) like an elephant. I sat up and just stared at him and watched his nearly lifeless hand reaching for the crackers. He had his eyes closed and I'm pretty sure he won't remember it this morning. But I will, of course. You just lost big points with me, French people.